you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
