Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
