did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
