Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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