Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
