Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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