Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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