how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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