I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
