But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
