Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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