My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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