meet me or not, i'm out of control
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
there is glitter all over my balls
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
