Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
