u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
