Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
