This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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