I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
