so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
