so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
