And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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