i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think people are normalizing furries
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
