May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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