im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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