I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Welp...herpes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
