ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
