I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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