once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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