I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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