Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
