I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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