Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
