Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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