I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
