I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
