You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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