So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
