Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
