forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
