the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
