There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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