He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
