just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
