Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
