yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
