Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
