I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
