I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
