the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
