hotel room ftw
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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