I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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