I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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