I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can't put those talents on a resume
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
